Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
