Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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