I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
