idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
