i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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