well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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