you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
