He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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