Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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