Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?