Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She made me pour olive oil on her.