Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.