can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?