She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.