i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
