I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
