We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
