I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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