My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Randomize
