Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
