Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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