she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
