How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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