I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
