God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
