I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
