The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he thought i was a dude.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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