Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
