then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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