Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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