and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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