And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
