pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
