And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize