Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
