There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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