This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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