I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
