We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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