you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
