Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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