got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize