Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
