I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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