If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
