That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
