bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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