I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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