Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
