I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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