Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
