Buhtt sex?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
