i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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