it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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