it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize