i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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