hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
