so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
