I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize