got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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