If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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