i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
