no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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