i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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