where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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