Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
