He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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