I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
