I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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