The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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