I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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