I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
