What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
